This is the second Presidential election I have experienced as an American resident.
It’s a strange feeling waking up on the morning of an election in the country that you live, and not voting. Equally, it’s a strange feeling posting your ballot in an election 6,000 miles away as I did in the last British election in 2010. This is an experience I wrote about the time - it’s here, if any of you are interested.
The thoughts that I’ve been recording on my own blog – Culturally Discombobulated - about the Presidential elections have been more glib than those are recorded in 2010. Perhaps, that’s a result of the outsider status that I have here, or perhaps it’s an understandable posture to take when you are not weighed down with the responsibility of using your franchise.
Today’s Displaced Nation post will reproduce a few of the highlights of these (glib) thoughts I’ve been recording:
1) There were my tie-centric thoughts about the final Presidential debate.
Bliss has got into the democratic spirit with an Orangey Obama and a Minty Mitt. After Wednesday expect these to be marked to clearance, although I do hope they release Citrusy Cameron, Mango Mandarin Miliband, and Cucumber Clegg for the next UK general election.
Kit Kat has released a commercial that suggests the brand is operating under the grandiose assumption that the Far Left and the Far Right can be pacified, accommodated, and brought into the political centre by chocolate-covered wafer biscuits – this is just the sort of wooly thinking that led to the fall of the Weimar Republic.
Game 1: Cry Wolf.
For the committed CNN viewers among you this one is the simplest. Whenever this haunting face turns up on your screen cry “Wolf” and take a drink – God knows you’ll need it.
Game 2. FiveThirstyEight.
One for those of us who have spent the last three months compulsively reading Nate Silver‘s FiveThirtyEight blog. All you need to do on this one is when Silver gets a prediction for a state right, take a drink of beer. However, when he gets a prediction wrong, take a shot of liquor.
Forecast: 34.6% chance you’ll end the evening having your stomach pumped.
Game 3. The trickle-down effect.
This is a Romney-centric game. While not a complicated game in terms of rules, it does require you to build a champagne glass fountain, but hey, who doesn’t have two dozen champagne glasses hidden around the apartment? Here’s a handy how-to guide.
Once you have your champagne fountain ready, pour a dozen or so bottles of bubbly into the top glass. Each time a state is declared for Romney drink a glass. Each time a pundit mentions “Romney” and “auto industry bailout” in the same sentence drink a glass. Each time a pundit mentions Mormonism drink a glass. If you do this one right, not only do you have a fun drinking game, you also have a really expensive game of Jenga. This game is perfect for both Boca Raton Republicans and Champagne socialists.
4) My cat even got on the act and gave an election prediction.
I bet Nate Silver doesn’t even use a cat for his forecasting. That really is shoddy data collecting on his part.
Being a legal alien, I don’t get to vote, so instead of going to the polling station this was I how spent my morning engaging in the democratic process – getting the cat’s prediction for the election.
If a squirrel can make a prediction, then we’re going to have a crack at it too.
On the evidence of that, I think it’s clear that we’re in for a repeat of 2000. A close election that may have to go to the Supreme Court.
On a personal level, Winston disclosed to me that he was initially leaning towards Romney. Winston, after all, aspires to being a fat cat, and is also under the misapprehension that Romney’s first name is “Mittens” which he finds very relatable. However, Winston was very alarmed to hear about Seamus being put on the roof of the Romneys’ car – even if Seamus was a dog. Winston, as the vet will testify, doesn’t care much for healthcare. And this is why we don’t give the vote to cats.
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But now, thankfully, it is all over. I do hope those of you who are America can forgive me being so light-hearted and I hope that Democrat or Republican, can look beyond the partisanship and remember the most important thing — Skyfall is out this weekend!
p.s. I am a founding member of TDN’s writing team, but if you enjoyed this please don’t be a stranger to Culturally Discombobulated.
STAY TUNED for Monday’s post, another election assessment, but from a recent repatriate.
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img: Republican vs. Democrat 2012 by DonkeyHotey (via Flickr).